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Pediatric Picky Eating: A Father’s Guide to Ending Mealtime Battles

  • 4 days ago
  • 17 min read

by Fatherhood United | www.fatherhoodunited.com


Family meals are often described as the heart of the home. Ideally, they provide an opportunity for parents and children to reconnect, share stories, and enjoy food together. For many fathers, however, dinner feels less like a place of connection and more like a negotiation conducted over untouched vegetables, rejected casseroles, and repeated requests for crackers or chicken nuggets.


One child may refuse anything green. Another may accept only a particular brand of yogurt. A toddler who ate nearly everything six months ago may suddenly reject foods that were once favorites. When this happens night after night, even a patient father can begin to wonder whether he is raising a selective eater, managing a nutritional problem, or simply losing control of the dinner table.


Pediatric picky eating is common, especially during early childhood, but it is not a single, easily defined behavior. For many children, food selectivity is a temporary developmental stage. For others, it can persist, restrict dietary variety, increase family stress, or overlap with medical, sensory, nutritional, and psychological concerns (Chilman et al., 2021; Taylor & Emmett, 2019). Current reviews estimate that the prevalence of picky eating varies considerably because researchers use different definitions and assessment tools. The behavior appears to be especially common between ages two and six (Pjetraj et al., 2025).


The good news is that fathers do not need to win every bite, police every plate, or pressure a child into eating broccoli. A more productive goal is to create a calm, predictable environment in which children can gradually build confidence, curiosity, and competence around food.


This article explains the science of pediatric picky eating, the influence fathers have on family food culture, evidence-based strategies for reducing conflict, and the warning signs that indicate it may be time to consult a professional.

Medical note: This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized medical, nutritional, or mental health care. Concerns about growth, swallowing, nutritional deficiency, or severe food restriction should be discussed with a pediatric health professional.
FU • Pediatric Picky Eating
FU • Pediatric Picky Eating

What Is Pediatric Picky Eating?

One difficulty in discussing picky eating is that there is no universally accepted definition. Terms such as fussy eating, selective eating, choosy eating, and food refusal are often used interchangeably, even though they may describe different patterns (Chilman et al., 2021; Taylor & Emmett, 2019).


In general, pediatric picky eating involves eating a limited variety of foods, rejecting certain familiar or unfamiliar foods, or insisting that food be prepared and presented in highly specific ways. A picky eater may accept only one shape of pasta, refuse a sandwich after it has been cut differently, tolerate applesauce but not apple slices, or reject an entire category of food based on color, smell, texture, temperature, or appearance.


Not all forms of selectivity are equally concerning. Their significance depends on the child’s age, nutritional intake, growth, feeding abilities, emotional response, and effect on family functioning.


Food neophobia is the reluctance or fear associated with trying unfamiliar foods. It is particularly common during the toddler and preschool years. From an evolutionary perspective, caution around unfamiliar foods may have protected increasingly mobile young children from ingesting potentially harmful substances (Białek-Dratwa et al., 2022).


Food neophobia often peaks between two and six years of age. In many cases, it declines as a child becomes familiar with a food through repeated, nonthreatening exposure. A child may initially refuse roasted carrots because they are unfamiliar, for example, but gradually tolerate them after seeing, smelling, touching, and tasting them on multiple occasions.


Picky eating is broader. A picky eater may reject both unfamiliar foods and foods that were previously accepted. The child may also have a narrow list of preferred foods, strong brand preferences, or an intense need for sameness. While neophobia commonly improves with familiarity, persistent picky eating may remain relatively stable for years (Mascola et al., 2010).

Rather than treating every rejected vegetable as either normal or pathological, it is useful to view selective eating along a continuum.


  • Typical developmental selectivity

    The child has preferences and dislikes but continues to grow as expected. The child eats foods from several nutritional categories, has enough accepted foods to function at home and away from home, and can usually participate in family meals without extreme distress.


    This pattern generally calls for patience, structure, repeated exposure, and realistic expectations.


  • Persistent picky eating

    The child’s selectivity remains stable over months or years. Dietary variety may be limited, and family meals may involve frequent bargaining, separate meal preparation, or conflict. Growth may remain typical, but the pattern affects family routines and may increase parents’ anxiety.


    This level often benefits from more intentional behavioral strategies and guidance from a pediatrician or registered dietitian.


  • Severe selective eating

    The child accepts a very small number of foods, eliminates entire food categories, or experiences intense distress when presented with nonpreferred foods. Eating outside the home may be difficult, and family functioning may be significantly affected.


    Severe selectivity warrants professional assessment, even if the child’s current weight appears typical. A normal position on a growth chart does not rule out nutritional deficiency, feeding-skill problems, or significant psychosocial impairment.

Pediatric Feeding Disorder, or PFD, is defined as oral intake that is not appropriate for the child’s age and is associated with dysfunction in one or more of four areas: medical health, nutrition, feeding skills, or psychosocial functioning (Goday et al., 2019). This framework recognizes that feeding problems often cross professional boundaries and cannot always be explained by behavior alone.


Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, or ARFID, is a feeding and eating disorder characterized by restrictive intake that results in consequences such as weight loss, faltering growth, nutritional deficiency, reliance on supplements or tube feeding, or substantial psychosocial interference. Unlike eating disorders driven by weight or shape concerns, ARFID can be associated with low interest in food, sensory sensitivity, or fear of consequences such as choking or vomiting (Menzel & Perry, 2024).


Most picky children do not have ARFID or PFD. Fathers should nevertheless know that severe restriction is not always stubbornness, misbehavior, or a phase that the family must simply wait out.


Why Is My Child So Picky?

Parents frequently blame themselves when a child refuses food. Fathers may wonder whether they introduced the wrong foods, allowed too many snacks, relied too heavily on convenience meals, or failed to establish discipline.


Parenting and the family environment matter, but pediatric picky eating is rarely caused by one decision or one person. It usually develops through an interaction among biology, temperament, sensory processing, feeding skills, experiences, and family responses (Chilman et al., 2021; Pjetraj et al., 2025).


Children do not necessarily experience flavor the same way their fathers do. Genetic differences can affect sensitivity to bitter compounds, including those found in vegetables such as broccoli, cabbage, kale, and Brussels sprouts. The TAS2R38 bitter-taste receptor is one example of a biological factor that may contribute to differences in how intensely bitterness is perceived.


A vegetable that tastes fresh or only mildly bitter to a father may taste overwhelming to his child. This does not mean vegetables should disappear from the menu. It means that the child’s reaction may reflect a genuine sensory experience instead of defiance.


Preparation can also matter. Roasting may bring out sweetness. Adding a familiar dip can create a bridge to tasting. Serving a vegetable raw rather than cooked, or cooked rather than raw, may alter its texture enough to make it more acceptable.

Some children are especially sensitive to texture, smell, temperature, sound, or appearance. Mixed foods can be particularly difficult because they are less predictable. A stew, casserole, taco, or bowl of cereal changes with every bite. By contrast, crackers, toast, plain pasta, and many processed foods are relatively consistent in shape, flavor, and texture.


This predictability helps explain why some selective eaters gravitate toward foods that parents describe as “beige.” It is not necessarily the color itself that is appealing. These foods are often mild, uniform, dry, and predictable.


Sensory sensitivity does not automatically mean that a child has a disorder. However, intense sensory reactions that produce gagging, panic, vomiting, or an inability to eat in ordinary settings should be discussed with a professional.

Eating is a complex motor task. A child must bite, chew, control food with the tongue, coordinate swallowing, and manage different textures safely. Children who struggle with these skills may prefer foods that dissolve easily or require minimal chewing.


A child who avoids meat may be responding to the effort required to break down fibrous textures. A child who refuses raw vegetables may find them physically difficult to chew. Holding food in the cheeks, taking an unusually long time to finish meals, coughing during eating, frequently gagging, or swallowing food without adequate chewing can signal the need for a feeding or swallowing evaluation.


In these situations, telling a child to “take one more bite” does not address the underlying difficulty.


Children who are cautious, behaviorally inhibited, or uncomfortable with change may approach unfamiliar foods with the same caution they show in other situations. Anxiety can also amplify sensory discomfort and make meals feel threatening.


A child who once choked, gagged, vomited, or experienced pain while eating may begin to associate food with danger. Even after the medical issue resolves, avoidance can remain. The child is not necessarily trying to control the parent. The child may be trying to prevent a feared experience.

Fathers have considerable influence over the family’s food culture. That influence extends beyond buying groceries or operating the grill. Children observe what their fathers eat, how they describe food, how they respond to rejection, and whether family meals feel safe or stressful.


Research consistently identifies parental modeling, family meal practices, and feeding responses as important parts of children’s eating development (Emmett et al., 2018; Taylor & Emmett, 2019).

A father who tells his child to eat vegetables while leaving vegetables off his own plate sends a mixed message. Children are more likely to view unfamiliar foods as safe and normal when they repeatedly see trusted adults eating them.


Modeling does not require exaggerated performances. You do not have to announce that broccoli is “the most delicious food in the world.” Genuine, low-key enjoyment is more credible:

  • “These carrots are sweet.”

  • “I like how crunchy this pepper is.”

  • “The rice tastes different with the beans mixed in.”

  • “I did not like asparagus much when I was younger, but I learned to enjoy it.”


Modeling can also include trying something unfamiliar and admitting uncertainty. When a father says, “I have not tasted this before, so I am going to try a small amount,” he demonstrates courage without pretending that every food must become a favorite.

Coercive feeding includes demanding a clean plate, requiring a set number of bites, forcing food into a child’s mouth, shaming the child, using dessert as leverage, or threatening consequences for not eating.


These tactics may occasionally produce a swallowed bite, but they can create a damaging long-term association between food and conflict. Pressure to eat has been identified as a factor associated with picky eating, while positive family meals, exposure, and parental modeling are associated with healthier food acceptance (Taylor & Emmett, 2019).


Pressure can also disrupt a child’s ability to notice internal signals of hunger and fullness. If a child learns that adults, rather than the body, determine when eating must continue, mealtimes may become a contest over control.


The father’s goal should not be to win tonight’s argument. The goal is to help the child develop eating skills that will remain useful for life.

A calm father can help regulate the entire table. A frustrated, sarcastic, or visibly anxious response can raise the stakes immediately.


This does not mean fathers must never feel annoyed. Picky eating is frustrating, especially when food is expensive, time is limited, and another meal appears to have been rejected. The task is to manage that frustration without assigning the child responsibility for the parent’s emotions.


Instead of saying, “I cooked this for an hour, and you are being ungrateful,” try:

  • “You do not have to eat it, but it will stay on the table.”

  • “You can choose from the foods that are available.”

  • “It is okay if this is not a food you enjoy yet.”

  • “You may listen to your stomach and decide how much to eat.”


That shift preserves structure while removing the personal battle.


Does Picky Eating Affect Growth and Nutrition?

The answer is nuanced. Many picky eaters grow normally and consume enough energy over time. Research has not found one consistent growth pattern across all picky children (Antoniou et al., 2016; Taylor & Emmett, 2019).


However, persistent or severe picky eating can increase the likelihood of dietary gaps. Some studies have found associations with lower weight or height measurements, while others have found limited or inconsistent effects. Longitudinal research suggests there may be a subgroup of persistent picky eaters who remain thinner or show small differences in growth over time (Chao, 2018; Taylor et al., 2019).


Weight alone is not a complete measure of nutritional adequacy. A child can consume enough calories from a narrow group of preferred foods while receiving insufficient amounts of certain nutrients.


Common concerns include:

  • Iron and zinc, particularly when meat, seafood, beans, or fortified foods are rarely consumed

  • Dietary fiber, particularly when fruits, vegetables, legumes, and whole grains are limited

  • Vitamin and mineral variety, particularly when the child accepts very few plant foods

  • Protein, when most protein-rich foods are excluded

  • Fat and total energy, in children who eat very small quantities overall


Low fiber intake may contribute to constipation, and constipation can further reduce appetite or make eating uncomfortable. This creates a cycle in which selective eating and physical discomfort reinforce one another (Taylor & Emmett, 2019).


Supplements may be appropriate for some children, but fathers should discuss them with a pediatrician or registered dietitian. A supplement can be useful, but it does not automatically solve feeding-skill problems, anxiety, family conflict, or severe restriction.


Progress usually requires consistency rather than intensity. A dramatic attempt to “fix” picky eating over one weekend is less useful than a calm pattern maintained for several months.


1. Clarify the Parent’s Job and the Child’s Job

A helpful feeding principle is that parents manage the structure of the meal, while children decide what to do with the food that is offered.


The father’s responsibilities include:

  • Choosing what foods are served

  • Establishing regular meal and snack times

  • Deciding where eating occurs

  • Providing a reasonable variety

  • Creating a calm and safe environment

  • Offering water and age-appropriate portions

  • Seeking professional care when needed


The child’s responsibilities include:

  • Deciding whether to eat

  • Deciding which offered foods to eat

  • Deciding how much to eat


This approach does not mean the child becomes the head of the household menu. Parents still provide the plan. It means the child is not forced to override hunger, fullness, fear, or sensory discomfort to satisfy the adult.


2. Include a Familiar Food Without Becoming a Short-Order Cook

Try to include at least one food the child generally accepts at each meal. This gives the child a realistic opportunity to eat without requiring the father to prepare an entirely separate dinner.

For example, if the family is having grilled chicken, rice, and vegetables, the child’s plate might include a small portion of each item plus familiar bread or fruit.


The familiar food is not a reward for refusing the others. It is simply one component of the family meal.


3. Use Repeated, Neutral Exposure

Parents often decide that a child “does not like” a food after two or three refusals. In reality, acceptance may require many exposures. Depending on the child, it may take 10, 15, or more opportunities before a food becomes familiar enough to taste consistently (Kamarudin et al., 2023).


An exposure does not always have to end with swallowing. A progression might look like this:

  1. Tolerating the food on the table

  2. Tolerating it on the plate

  3. Touching it with a utensil

  4. Touching it with a finger

  5. Smelling it

  6. Touching it to the lips

  7. Licking it

  8. Taking a tiny bite

  9. Chewing and swallowing a small amount

  10. Gradually eating a larger portion


Celebrate engagement, not just consumption. The most useful response is calm acknowledgment: “You smelled the tomato today. That was a new step.”


Avoid excessive applause, bargaining, or emotional investment. These reactions can make the tasting attempt feel like a performance.


4. Introduce Tiny Portions

A large serving of an unfamiliar food can be visually overwhelming. Start with a piece the size of a pea, a single shred, or a teaspoon.


Small portions reduce waste and communicate that the child will not be trapped into eating a large quantity. The child can always ask for more.


5. Try Food Chaining

Food chaining introduces a new food that resembles an accepted food in flavor, shape, texture, temperature, or appearance.


If a child eats only one brand of chicken nugget, a possible chain might be:

  1. The preferred nugget

  2. The same nugget cooked slightly differently

  3. A similar nugget from another brand

  4. A homemade breaded chicken strip

  5. A less heavily breaded chicken strip

  6. A small piece of roasted chicken


The steps should be based on the child’s sensory preferences, not on an adult’s idea of which foods are logically related. A child may experience two chicken nuggets as completely different because of breading texture or seasoning.


Food chaining can be helpful at home, but severe restriction is best addressed with professional guidance.


6. Let Children Explore Food Without Pressure

Food exploration can occur outside the emotionally charged context of dinner. Children can rinse berries, tear lettuce, stir batter, examine seeds, arrange vegetables by color, or help select produce at the grocery store.


For sensory-sensitive children, touching and smelling food may be meaningful progress. Food play should be developmentally appropriate and should not replace the expectation of ordinary table behavior, but controlled exploration can reduce fear and increase familiarity.


7. Use Descriptive, Neutral Language

Avoid labeling foods as “good,” “bad,” “gross,” or “junk.” Instead, describe observable characteristics:

  • Crunchy or soft

  • Sweet, sour, bitter, or salty

  • Warm or cold

  • Smooth, bumpy, dry, or juicy

  • Strong-smelling or mild

  • Familiar or unfamiliar


Neutral language helps children become investigators rather than judges. It also gives them more precise ways to explain discomfort.


Instead of asking, “Do you like it?” try:

  • “What did you notice?”

  • “Was it crunchy or soft?”

  • “Was the flavor strong or mild?”

  • “How was this one different from the food you usually eat?”


8. Protect Hunger and Fullness Cues

A child who grazes continuously may not arrive at dinner hungry enough to explore food. Establish predictable meals and snacks, while following medical guidance for children with special nutritional needs.


Avoid turning the period before dinner into unrestricted access to milk, juice, crackers, or snack bars. At the same time, do not intentionally withhold food to make a child desperate enough to eat a feared or disliked item.


The goal is a reasonable rhythm, not hunger as punishment.


9. Keep Screens From Taking Over the Meal

Screens can distract children from anxiety, but they can also interfere with awareness of hunger, fullness, taste, and social connection. If a child currently relies on a screen to eat, removing it suddenly may reduce intake or increase distress. A gradual plan may be more appropriate, especially for children with significant feeding difficulties.


For families without a strong screen dependence, meals are a valuable opportunity to practice conversation, observation, and self-regulation.


10. Measure Progress Across Months, Not Meals

Picky eating rarely improves in a straight line. A child may taste a food one week and refuse it the next. Illness, fatigue, constipation, growth changes, travel, transitions, and stress can temporarily narrow intake.


Track broader indicators:

  • Is the child tolerating more foods on the plate?

  • Are meals becoming less conflictual?

  • Can the child describe sensory experiences?

  • Is the accepted-food list slowly expanding?

  • Can the family eat in more settings?

  • Is the child maintaining an appropriate growth pattern?

  • Is the child becoming less fearful?


A peaceful meal with no new bites may still represent progress.


Fathers should seek medical guidance when food restriction affects health, safety, development, or daily functioning.


Warning signs may include:

  1. Weight loss or faltering growth. The child drops across growth percentiles or fails to gain weight or height as expected.

  2. A very limited and shrinking food list. The child accepts only a small number of foods or continues losing previously accepted foods.

  3. Elimination of major food categories. The child eats no meaningful sources of protein, fruit, vegetables, grains, or fats.

  4. Signs of nutritional deficiency. These may include unusual fatigue, pallor, weakness, persistent constipation, or other concerns identified by a clinician.

  5. Gagging, coughing, choking, or breathing difficulty. These can indicate a feeding-skill, swallowing, or medical problem.

  6. Pain during or after eating. Reflux, dental problems, allergies, gastrointestinal conditions, and other medical issues may contribute to food avoidance.

  7. Extreme fear or distress. The child panics around food, fears choking or vomiting, or cannot tolerate nonpreferred foods nearby.

  8. Dependence on supplements. The child relies heavily on nutritional drinks or other supplements to maintain intake.

  9. Loss of feeding skills. The child stops using a previously established skill or regresses to more limited textures.

  10. Substantial social interference. The child cannot eat at school, attend gatherings, travel, or participate in ordinary family activities because of food restriction.


A pediatrician is a good starting point. Depending on the concerns, the child may benefit from a registered dietitian, gastroenterologist, allergist, psychologist, occupational therapist, speech-language pathologist, or multidisciplinary feeding team. Because PFD can involve medical, nutritional, feeding-skill, and psychosocial factors, coordinated care is often preferable to treating the problem from only one perspective (Goday et al., 2019).


ARFID also deserves specialized assessment. Restriction driven by sensory sensitivity, fear of aversive consequences, or low interest in eating can lead to serious medical or psychosocial effects, even when body-image concerns are absent (Menzel & Perry, 2024). Emerging research supports structured family-based and individual approaches, although treatment should be tailored to the child’s presentation and clinical needs.



A Father’s Long-Term Mission at the Dinner Table

Pediatric picky eating can test a father’s patience, confidence, and sense of responsibility. When a child refuses food, it can feel deeply personal. The father may interpret the refusal as disrespect, a rejection of his effort, or evidence that he has failed to establish healthy habits.


Science offers a more compassionate interpretation. Children bring their own taste sensitivity, temperament, sensory profile, motor abilities, fears, and developmental stage to the table. Fathers influence this process, but they do not control every outcome.


The most effective response is firm without being forceful, structured without being rigid, and encouraging without becoming coercive. Fathers can provide regular meals, offer a variety of foods, include something familiar, model curiosity, and allow children to decide whether and how much to eat. They can also recognize when selective eating has moved beyond an ordinary parenting challenge and requires professional help.


Success should not be defined by whether a child eats peas tonight. A more meaningful measure is whether the dinner table is becoming safer, calmer, and more predictable. Over time, that environment gives children the best opportunity to expand their diets and build a healthy relationship with food.


The dinner table does not have to be a battlefield. It can become a place where children learn that food is neither a test nor a threat. It is part of family life, and their father is there to guide them with patience, consistency, and respect.


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Every meal, conversation, bedtime routine, and moment of encouragement is an opportunity to shape your child’s future. You will not always have the perfect answer, but you do not have to face the challenges of fatherhood by yourself.


Fatherhood United brings fathers together around a shared purpose: becoming more informed, involved, and intentional in the lives of their children. Visit www.fatherhoodunited.com to find encouragement, practical insights, and a community that believes fathers matter.


Join Fatherhood United and help build a future in which every father feels supported, every child feels valued, and every family has the opportunity to thrive.


References

Antoniou, E. E., Roefs, A., Kremers, S. P. J., Jansen, A., Gubbels, J. S., Sleddens, E. F. C., & Thijs, C. (2016). Picky eating and child weight status development: A longitudinal study. Journal of Human Nutrition and Dietetics, 29(3), 298–307. https://doi.org/10.1111/jhn.12322


Białek-Dratwa, A., Szczepańska, E., Szymańska, D., Grajek, M., Krupa-Kotara, K., & Kowalski, O. (2022). Neophobia: A natural developmental stage or feeding difficulties for children? Nutrients, 14(7), Article 1521. https://doi.org/10.3390/nu14071521


Chao, H.-C. (2018). Association of picky eating with growth, nutritional status, development, physical activity, and health in preschool children. Frontiers in Pediatrics, 6, Article 22. https://doi.org/10.3389/fped.2018.00022


Chilman, L., Kennedy-Behr, A., Frakking, T., Swanepoel, L., & Verdonck, M. (2021). Picky eating in children: A scoping review to examine its intrinsic and extrinsic features and how they relate to identification. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(17), Article 9067. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph18179067


Emmett, P. M., Hays, N. P., & Taylor, C. M. (2018). Antecedents of picky eating behaviour in young children. Appetite, 130, 163–173. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2018.07.032


Goday, P. S., Huh, S. Y., Silverman, A., Lukens, C. T., Dodrill, P., Cohen, S. S., Delaney, A. L., Feuling, M. B., Noel, R. J., Gisel, E., Kenzer, A., Kessler, D. B., Kraus de Camargo, O., Browne, J., & Phalen, J. A. (2019). Pediatric feeding disorder: Consensus definition and conceptual framework. Journal of Pediatric Gastroenterology and Nutrition, 68(1), 124–129. https://doi.org/10.1097/MPG.0000000000002188


Kamarudin, M. S., Shahril, M. R., Haron, H., Kadar, M., Safii, N. S., & Hamzaid, N. H. (2023). Interventions for picky eaters among typically developed children: A scoping review. Nutrients, 15(1), Article 242. https://doi.org/10.3390/nu15010242


Mascola, A. J., Bryson, S. W., & Agras, W. S. (2010). Picky eating during childhood: A longitudinal study to age 11 years. Eating Behaviors, 11(4), 253–257. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eatbeh.2010.05.006


Menzel, J. E., & Perry, T. R. (2024). Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder: Review and recent advances. Focus, 22(3), 288–300. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.focus.20240008


Pjetraj, D., Pjetraj, A., Sayed, D., Severini, M., Falcioni, L., Svarca, L. E., Gatti, S., & Lionetti, M. E. (2025). Decoding picky eating in children: A temporary phase or a hidden health concern? Nutrients, 17(24), Article 3884. https://doi.org/10.3390/nu17243884


Taylor, C. M., & Emmett, P. M. (2019). Picky eating in children: Causes and consequences. Proceedings of the Nutrition Society, 78(2), 161–169. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0029665118002586


Taylor, C. M., Steer, C. D., Hays, N. P., & Emmett, P. M. (2019). Growth and body composition in children who are picky eaters: A longitudinal view. European Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 73(6), 869–878. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41430-018-0250-7

 
 
 

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